Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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