My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
