Will you blow on my dice?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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