Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
