Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
