so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
