note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
