they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is my gift to your gina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
