my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
