my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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