Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
