Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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