I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
