Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
