Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
