Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
