i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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