He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
