I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
