Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!