i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups