just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.