My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes