i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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