i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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