it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
COCAINE IS GR8
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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