the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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