Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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