wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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