Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
