I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
