sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
