i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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