3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
