I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is my gift to your gina
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
