Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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