im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
