how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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