craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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