Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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