My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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