Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
