I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
