fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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