Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
