yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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