Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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