Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
