Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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