i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
