I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
