Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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