Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
