never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
