All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think my moral compass just broke
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
