bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
