Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
