Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
