In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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