Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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