I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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