I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
