I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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