I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
