i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
