She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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