I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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