He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
