im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
