cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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