I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Soap is not a condiment
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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