it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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