Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
