Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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